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The Landscapes I’ve Trekked

Writing is the place where I first found out that my soul and my heart know one another. It was the site where I looked at the paper and not only saw a mirror but a portal to another world. I look at the landscapes I’ve trekked in my writing and see that I’ve owned boats, airplanes, and even rode mythical creatures to lands my unconscious found space for on the page. Didn’t you know that I could also fly? That I was once a superhero who beat up villains, or that I once caught a diamond thief? I think of the lands I’ve traveled and see that through writing I was able to also gain confidence. Through reading and writing I found out that the person being born was meant to have space. To expand my arms like the way they carry me through the sky and know I was safe.

In sharing this I acknowledge that people like me traditionally don’t get to really live. Many lives of trans folks are cut short by the very systems of misogyny and transphobia that are embedded into our binary system. As a trans body I transgress the norms folks know, and I also call to question the existence of their body. Through my corporeal presence I embrace the ambiguity of my nature and notice the chameleon take shape once again. It was in my readings that I first found the chameleon as a symbol. Folks like Astrid Hadaad showing me that our bodies were meant to carve into time itself.

I see how as an artist it is my mission to cultivate myself so that I can be of forever service. My advocacy is art, my love is art, and every breathe of mine is art. The water I consume transforming to liquid gold at the introduction of my lips. The richness consuming my body into a feeling that is ever so glamorous.

Writing is the first place that I found out I was also meant to heal. It was where I wrote of the experiences of the night, and of the way my heart has been pulled. This location being one that a map was not made for. The cartographer knowing that the map itself was meant to be lost in the emotions until the timing is right. Like a jewel thief I stand at the highest point to see the terrains that make up my area. I peer to both past and present and see that only by acting mindfully will I make it to the treasure we are all seeking.

Like The Alchemist I see that I have my special skills, and a curiosity to think about the ones I don't. I meet those that teach me how to make gold and other materials. I meet the folks that teach me what it means to both survive and thrive. I meet the ones that will take me to the depths of my soul, and those that will drag me to the darkest parts of that world to show me that I was meant to navigate every single one of these walks. Like the boy in Coelho's book, I am ready for the patience that the world needs me to be ready for. And on some days, all I can do is think of food and water.

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